Unlock your secret weapons to family success

Dr Daniel Golshevsky, aka Dr Golly, is BIG on the heavy involvement of dads (or non breastfeeding partners/parents) from day 1. The paediatrician and father of three’s mantra is “there is nothing dads can’t do for a newborn other than breastfeed.”

Here are Dr Golly’s methods for including dads to their full potential when there is a newborn in the house.

Fathers of newborns – a call to action

When a baby enters a family unit, there’s so much focus on the baby and mother, especially if the mother is breastfeeding, as is most often the case. This makes perfect sense – the baby is the new arrival, requiring round-the-clock care and attention, and the mother is the one recovering from pregnancy and delivery, while simultaneously becoming the baby’s source of nutrition.

Shifting the paradigm

I’d like to shift the paradigm a little and put the spotlight onto fathers. We play a significantly greater role than many think – and we might just be the key to having a well-settled baby and harmonious family unit.

Nowadays, babies arrive into families of all different shapes and sizes. From heterosexual couples to single parents, surrogacy, same-sex families and more. It’s wonderful that almost everyone has the ability to become a parent now – but regardless of the look of the family unit, it’s important that we focus for a moment on the role of the non-breastfeeding parent. For ease of explaining, I’ll refer to them as the father or dad in this blog, but know that it can be anyone else in the home.

Any parent will attest that the sleep deprivation associated with having a newborn is immensely challenging. The only respite occurs when feeds stretch longer and sleep consolidates into sizable blocks, allowing the entire house to catch up on valuable sleep. Settling a baby to sleep is one the biggest challenges of this newborn period and fathers are often more successful in settling babies than mothers are. Surprised?

Dads are often FAR more effective at night time settling

It’s close to impossible for a breastfeeding mother to not feed, when picking up her unsettled baby. If the baby is being held right next to their food source, knowing that it will be comforted by the closeness and the sucking reflex – then why wouldn’t they want to feed? That is why fathers are more likely to be able to resettle a baby if something wakes them before a scheduled feed.

Dads don’t smell like breastmilk

When fathers hold a crying baby, we send them a very clear message – through our touch, through our hormones, through our energy - they are not going to get fed. Babies are astute communicators and can sense this, they are therefore far more likely to settle when dad is doing the comforting.

Protecting the mother

In those early days, a new mother has got A LOT going on. Hormones, fatigue, recovery, increased mental load - it’s all at play. While you find your new family equilibrium it’s important that she is cared for. This is your job. The more a new mother is able to rest, the more it speeds up recovery, boosts breastmilk supply and replenishes her energy stores.

Having fathers more involved has benefits that extend far beyond the needs of the mother and baby - it’s really good for us and the greater family unit too...

Involved fathers have better mental health outcomes

We know that more-involved fathers have significantly lower levels of paternal postnatal depression and anxiety. We also know that when having a second or third child, having fathers do the bulk of the care of a newborn - except for the breastfeeding - frees the mother to spend more quality time with the older siblings.

This prevents predictable, major behavioural challenges in 2-4-year-olds, who miss being at their household’s centre of attention when a new baby arrives.

Managing House Guests and Visitors

Think of yourself as the family bouncer. The newborn period can be incredibly isolating. For this reason I encourage visitors and socialisation at every desired opportunity, however, at a bare minimum before people come to visit the baby they should be healthy.

If you’re not ready to welcome guests yet, that’s OK too. A simple text message to friends and family should give you the grace you need. Something along the lines of:

‘Thank you all for your lovely wishes! We’re in the thick of post-birth recovery right now and not quite up for visitors - we’ll let you know when we are’.

This is all part of protecting your baby and their mother; your number one priority.

Breaking it down

Here’s a list of everyday things it would be helpful to talk about managing as a team BEFORE your baby arrives. You’ll notice that there are some things that ONLY you as a dad can do. YOU are the secret weapon here. Rise to the occasion, do it for your family.

👨🏻‍🍳cooking
🧽cleaning
💩changing nappies
😭settling
🛁bathing
🧠sharing the mental load
🛒shopping
😴understanding and implementing the baby sleep routine

🚪managing visitors
🤱🏼protecting the breastfeeding mother

 

Dr Golly shares more about the role of a father in his Dr Golly Sleep Program. There is so much more to learn about this. If your family is preparing to welcome a baby, Dr Golly’s ‘Your Baby Doesn’t Come With A Book’ is a very helpful resource. As a Paediatrician and father of three, this philosophy is truly ingrained in his day-to-day life.

 

So much goes into raising a child and creating the family life you want, you can find the building blocks to success in the Dr Golly Sleep Programs, here.

Learn more about my philosophy on sleep, settling & parental empowerment here.