Being toilet trained is one of those major developmental milestones which mark the transition from infancy to childhood.  But it’s also highly individual and relies on a series of complex processes to achieve.

It’s common for children to start some type of centre based care, often with an educational program between 3-4 years of age. Some call it daycare, others kindergarten or ‘kinder’ and even preschool.   Whatever it’s called, a common requirement is that children are toilet trained before starting . This is because teachers need to manage their time and responsibilities to a number of children.  There are also hygiene factors and meeting their professional responsibilities for safe distancing. But toilet training can also cause parents to feel pressured and unsure about what’s the best way to manage, especially when their child doesn’t seem interested.

Read on to understand more about toilet training, kinder and what’s expected.

Toilet training facts 

Though every child is unique, there are some universal facts when it comes to toilet training:

·       Children learn to use the toilet at their own pace.  Some children progress quickly; others can take weeks or even months.

·       Toilet training tends to be easier when a child is developmentally ready and they’re supported.  

·       Toilet training for poos takes longer than for wees. Each relies on a different set of pathways.   

·       Girls generally toilet train earlier than boys, for both day and night.

·       Children at kinder often benefit from seeing what others their age are doing.

·       Repetition and practice play a big role. After the first few weeks, many children improve.

What may help

It often helps to have a plan for toilet training at home which can be continued at kinder, as well as:

·       Asking teachers what degree of toilet training is required. Many kinders expect the child to be able to get to the toilet during wake times, but will help the child with nappy pants for naps.

·       Waiting until your child is showing signs of toilet training readiness before starting at home. 

·       Packing (labelled) spare underpants and clothing in your child’s bag for accidents. These do happen and kinder teachers are very comfortable managing this.

·       Starting to toilet train a few weeks before the child starts kinder.  This includes how to wipe their own bottom, flushing the toilet, washing and drying their hands.

·       Teaching your potty trained child how to also use the toilet. This will help if the kinder only has toilets.

Practical kinder tips

Take advantage of pre-kinder orientation days so you can show your child the layout of the space. It will also help to:

·       Show your child where the toilet at kinder is located.

·       Let them practice there with independently taking their pants down, using the toilet, washing and drying their hands.

·       Being clear and open with the teachers about what stage your child is at with toilet training. Ask their advice about what you can do at home to support your child.  

·       Using similar language for wees and poos at home as what’s used at kinder. Doing this will avoid confusion.

What’s unlikely to help:

You know your child better than anyone.  However, it’s worth remembering that at kinder, your child will be one of many. This means that you may need to guide your child in ways which suit group situations, rather than just meeting their own needs.  It may help to:

·       Not rely on the teachers to teach toilet training skills. Teachers are often happy to build on what’s been started at home, but don’t have the capacity to initiate toilet training.

·       Use the feedback from the teachers in a constructive and useful way. Having objective insights from professionals can be hard, but is often very useful.

·       Avoid using shame or punishment during toilet training. Most small children want to please their parents. Often accidents are exactly that.

·       Avoid comparing your child’s progress with others.

Remember, many issues relating to expectations can be resolved with clear communication. Make a time to meet the teachers to discuss how you can both support your child’s toilet training.  

Written for Tooshies by Jane Barry, Midwife and Child Health Nurse. February 2026.